Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
