She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
