dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
