We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
