remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
