Your mouth is God's brothel.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
