Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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