no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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