and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
