Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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