Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
