So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm at about main and main street
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
