erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
