I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
