Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
