What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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