how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
