ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
