You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
