So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
