Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
