1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
