did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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