We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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