My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
