There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
