u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
