Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
