He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
