Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
