I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
