someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The uberlube is also flammable
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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