Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
