I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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