do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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