My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
