I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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