remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
