And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
