Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
