I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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