I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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