Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
