She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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