If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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