he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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