Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I need moral support for this bender
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
