he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
