you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
