so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
