omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he shaved USA in his pubs
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
