wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
