I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
