Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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